Thoughts on No Thoughts

This week has been so crazy I am not even sure that I have any thoughts any more. Is realizing that there is a lack of thoughts an actual though? I am so tired I am not even sure how I am functioning. My mom has come to stay with us for a few weeks. She fell down and fractured both knee caps and is stuck in bed. I have been waking up during the night to give her medicine and help her go to the restroom. My mom and Nick are on different schedules, so instead of waking up three times a night with Nick. I am waking up six times a night with mom and Nick. I wanted to post something but I am not sure that this is of value. I will try to write something more substantial at a latter date.

Thoughts on Grandamas and Han Hays

On March Third I wrote a post about some of my favorite places. One of the places that I listed was my grand parents’ living room. I had been thinking a lot about my grandparents and especially my grandmother that week. Some of you might read this and think Meaghan you must have more than one Grandma (True). But in my mind my Mothers Mom was Grandma and my Fathers Mom was Grandma Sherlie. My Grandmothers birthday is in a few days. "Grandma" (Joyce VanNoy Hilton) was born March 17, 1921. She was a St. Patrick's Day baby.
With out realizing it I posted the blog about some of my favorite places on March 3rd the day my grandmother died. No wonder I was thinking about her all week.
She died in 1995. I am not sure if I can say one thing that made my grandmother special to me. I loved her and she loved me there was never any question. We just loved each other and I will always miss her. She suffered with Parkinson diseases and it was hard to watch her body suffer. She went into the hospital about a week before she died. The doctors said, "that she would probably not make it through the week." I made the drive from UCSC (Santa Cruz) to Oakland four times that week. After my classes, work and studying I would hop in my car and drive up to Oakland spend about two hours with her in her hospital room and returned home. I would sleep two or three hours and start all over again. My friends took turns ridding along with me. They were worried I would fall asleep or that something would happen to me. They were great!
It was finally Friday after a very long week. My plan was to stay at my grandparents for the weekend so I could be close to the hospital and grandma. My friends convinced me to go to a church dance at the Blossom Hill Building on the way to the hospital, so that I could relax and unwind. While at the dance I had a very strong feeling that I needed to get a hold of my grandmother right away. I searched the building frantically and couldn't find a phone (what did we do without cell phones). I was starting to freak out when one of my closest friends Jason offered to drive me around looking for a pay phone. We found one at the Mc Donald’s on Blossom Hill and 85. Jason got out of the car and stood with me while I called my grandmothers hospital room. When I called my mother answered the phone (there was a lot of talking in the back ground). I heard my mom say, “Mom Meaghan’s here now she is on the phone and she wants to let you know that she loves you.” Then everything got quiet in the hospital room. My mother then said, “She is gone, she was waiting for you.” I think that this says more about the love I have for my grandma and the love that she had for me than anything else I could say. She was a sweet heart and I love her.
As I think about the last week that I spent with my grandma I think about my friends and all they did for me. Han Hays, Jasons, Daves and Jennys Thanks! You always gave me a place to crash and a hug no mater what no questions asked. Without you guys I couldn't have never made it through college or survived being engaged to my hubby. To my college buds I pose these questions: What if we are Watermelons asleep and dreaming? Are we all living in Denial, or if we were in De-Nile wouldn't we be all wet? Are we all really mutants?
I can’t take a bubble bath, make a two AM grocery run, have Marianne’s or Ben and Jerry’s , eat monster cookies, get milk shakes from Denny’s, watch the sunrise, see the Bay on a perfect clear sunny Sunday or write a totally bogus paper without thinking about you. Thanks for the Procrastination Club. I salute all the alumni of the NP Club even if I was not an official member. I love U guys. DUCKS are EVIL (raccoons TOO). Lastly may Exavior live forever.

Thoughts on the Sisterhood

I have been truly blessed with some wonderful friends throughout my life. If any of you are out there reading this you know who you are! I love you guys. I have been thinking about my grandmother and about how supportive my friends were when she died. I plan on blogging about this next. First I want to acknowledge the sisterhood. In high school me and a few of my friends (Once again you know who you are). Created a pact that we called the sisterhood we created a list of Rules "The Rules of the Sisterhood". I ran into these rules recently they are pretty funny so I will share them with all of you.

The Rules of the Sisterhood

1. Dating is not for male companionship but for free entertainment.

2. Don't burn bridges he might have a cute friend (or Brother).

3. If you've dated one brother you have dated them all.

4. When a guy sweeps you off your feet check for a dust pan.

5. A women needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
5a- Even a fish needs to go on a ride some times (The MCI Rule).

6. If a guy makes me stress he is not worth it.

7. I am not looking for the perfect man he is looking for me.

I am pretty sure that I broke all of these rules at least once. I am also embarrassed to say that the rules about dating brothers were there on my account. I had a tendency to date brothers. Who knew. I think I dated four or five sets. And by dated I mean I went on dates with more than one sibling in the same family. So I really was not a complete freak or anything. I never dated three brothers in one family and in most cases, I did not make out with more than one brother (but it did happen once or twice). I am also embarrassed to say that the first two people I kissed were actually siblings. I am eternally grateful that my husband and his brother can not be counted as part of the above group. I have started to train my sons young. I have told them that they can never date someone that one of there brothers dated cause it is just wrong (and by dated in this case I mean made out with)! I am not sure exactly when the rules of the sisterhood were written. Some time in between 1990 and 1992. And if your reading this Leslie I still say Orange!And the world will always revolve around yogurt. Finally to the sisterhood thanks for helping me survive high school I couldn't have done it with out you. OK so maybe I could have but it would not have been as FUN and I would not be who I am today! So Thanks. I can't take a walk on the beach, watch Oprah, eat frozen yogurt, step into a stake dance or work out to a bad seventy's exercise video without thinking about you. Love - Peace - & -Eternal Marriage.

Thoughts on Personalities

I used to have a poem hanging on the inside of my bathroom door. I don't remember what it was called or even who wrote it. It was about how each person starts life with there own personality. That we are all born with our own strengths and weaknesses. In many ways my children are very alike. They have similar life experiences and interest but completely different personalities. Thank Goodness. It would be boring if they were all exact clones of each other.
A few weeks ago on a sunny clear February afternoon. I told the boys that as a treat we would be going to the beach. Nate my oldest said, "mom can we go to the library instead?" What, the library! I am glad that my children are interested in learning and love to read. But really the library instead of the beach on a sunny clear February day (those don't happen very often). The teacher and the binge reader in me was very proud, but the rest of me was thinking is this kid crazy. I realize that the best solution would have been a book at the beach. The boys decided to just stay at home and play around outside. They were not interested in the Beach. It is almost tragic how rarely we go to the beach. I am often surprised by how different my children are from each other and sometimes from me. I guess we do all have our own personalities.

Thought on the Raccoon in the Laundry Room

Yes! There is a raccoon in the laundry room. For any one who sees this post and thinks gosh that's cleaver a raccoon in the laundry room this must be a metaphor for life. No I am not being cleaver there is a giant raccoon in the laundry room. Maybe not giant but does a raccoon in your laundry room really need to be giant to BE giant. NO! I guess I should start at the beginning.
I live in the country, my family has an acre or so of forest behind our house. Actually "we" have about two acres, but there are several more undeveloped acres of forest behind our house. Our laundry room has a cat / dog door that we inherited from the last owner. The opening in our laundry room door would fit a Golden Retriever or a Black Lab. We have a cat who is getting up in years and we keep the cat food in the laundry room. I noticed few months ago that Zoie the cat seemed to be being beaten up by something. This is not new but what ever she was fighting with seemed viscous. I also noticed that her appetite seemed to have changed. She was going through cat food like crazy.
So, one night a few months back at around midnight I opened the door to the laundry room and there was a giant Raccoon hissing at me. I started screaming my head off and slammed the door. Holy Crap there is a raccoon in the laundry room! My three older sons jumped out of bed to come to the rescue with baseball bats while my sweet husband slept soundly. I am not exaggerating the raccoon was the size of a Black Lab only much fatter. It was much bigger than my sons who came to help me. It could have taken them out easily. I have had a long standing fear of raccoons and possums. They are EVIL. When I was little my parents sent me out side to the freezer to get some juice when I opened the door to the freezer a raccoon that had gotten stuck inside jumped out at me (this was enough to scare the crap out of even the bravest little girl).
We had not seen my dear raccoon friend for awhile. Lets call him Ricky. So last night I went to change a load of laundry. As I opened the door I heard a large crashing sound as something that was not my cat jumped out the cat door. On the floor I found a container of cat food with the lid open sitting in the middle of the floor. Zoie is pretty talented and I am pretty sure she can open the door into the kitchen, but I know that she can not unscrew the lid of the cat food. My guess is that Ricky is back or a homeless midget snuck into the house to steal the cat food. What do you think?
You might be wondering how exactly could a raccoon in your laundry room be a metaphor for life. For any one who asked this question here you go.
The raccoon could be a reference to all of the things that sneak up on us without our consent and try to cause havoc in our lives. The raccoon in my laundry room could be a reference to my eternal struggle with the laundry. The laundry is always building up on me and taking over my life. We have six people in our house it doesn't matter how much laundry I do their is always more. It could be a reference to any of the many responsibilities and deadlines that sneak up on all of us. My life is often filled with many Raccoons usually they have not literally snuck in the cat door to steal food. But they are real all the same. How should we deal with the raccoons in our lives?

Thought on my Favorite Places

Recently I have been thinking about some of my favorite places. Places that I love to be or have loved to be. I thought I would share these places with you.

My grandparents front room on a clear spring morning. My grandparents lived in the Oakland Hills (CA) and had a wonderful view of the San Francisco Bay Area from their front room. I loved watching the bay out their window while reading a good book or listening to music.

My childhood bedroom on a sunny Saturday morning. I love the way sunlight poured into my room as a child. I always felt like a cat curled up in the window cell. It always made me feel safe and warm.

Yosemite Valley in Spring. When all the waterfalls are full and there is still a slight chill in the air. I have always loved Yosemite especially in spring before the tourist season starts. It is a clear reminder of the beauty that can be found all around us.

Tuolomne Meadows in early June. Tuolomne Meadows is in Yosemite's high county. It has amazing meadows and is the perfect place for a long walk. It is about an hour from Yosemite valley but is well worth the drive. It is the perfect spot to camp.

High Way One driving south right past the Edge water Center in Sand City. As you come over the crest of the hill and the Monterey Bay is laid out before you. I am always surprised by how beautiful this is. I have seen it hundreds of times but I am always touched by its beauty.

UCSC anywhere on campus with a view. University of California Santa Cruz in nestled in the foot hills of the Santa Cruz mountains, its surrounded by redwoods and has an amazing view of the Monterey Bay Area. It is a amazing place to live and attend classes. I am truly blessed to have gone to school there.

The Monterey Plaza Hotel in a room facing the sea at midnight. The rooms with the sea view sit right on the bay and have a wall of windows so all you see is water. At midnight the moon and stars reflects off the bay and you can see the lights of the surrounding towns in the distance. It is beautiful.

Outside my parents house on a clear winter night. My parents live at the top of a hill and on a winters night it always looks like the whole sky is laid out above you. I used to sneak out side at night just to look at the stars.

Pico Blanco Boy Scout Camp in the Ventana Wilderness close to Big Sur. Pico Blanco is a quiet beautiful camping area nestled between mountains in the Ventana Wilderness. I went there as a teenager for girls camp and loved it.

Pfeiffer beach about a mile past the Big Sur valley. The hike in to the beach is not bad. Their are beautiful rock formations and it is great for a picnics. It is rarely sunny but is still one of my favorite spots on the coast. Julia Pfeiffer state beach is also beautiful this is about eight miles south of the Big Sur Valley.

The sealing rooms of the San Diego temple as light pours through the stain glass windows. Looking up the spiral stairway as light reflects down the stairs in the Manti temple. Their is nothing quite like the peace and quiet of the temple.

What can I say I love the nature, peace, quiet and light. There are tons of beautiful little spots that surround all of us. These are my favorites.

Thoughts on Ben

I had a conversation with my son Ben (he is five) that kept me up half the night. Before I share the conversation I should give a little background on Ben. Ben is Beautiful. He has huge brown eyes and lashes that go for ever. He will have no problem with the ladies when he is older. He has had my heart from day one. To be honest he has had my heart long before day one.

When he is happy joy radiates out of him. When he is sad it breaks your heart and when he is angry he is like a tornado. He is an unstoppable force of nature. Nothing is better than the joy that radiates from Ben when he is happy but he is not always happy. He tends to go with his emotions and his emotions change from one minute to the next. He also tends to be over dramatic about everything. Ben can do nothing small. Ben can also be the sweetest kid on the planet. Yesterday he stopped in a field on his way up from the bus and picked an arm full of wild flowers for me. I love Ben dearly, but sometimes his emotions get the better of him. Yesterday afternoon I asked him to Clean and it was more than he could handle. He became very upset and threw a tantrum. After the tantrum he was sad and we had the conversation that kept me up all night. :

He said, that he didn't believe in God and that he thought God was Dead. He also said, that he thought I was stupid to believe in god because I can't even see him. He continued on to says he doesn't like Earth and he is not happy here. (Ben often says things to get a rise out of people but this hit me like a brick). I let him know that I believe that there is a god and that it is ok if he chooses not to believe in the same things as me. I told him that me and daddy would really like him to believe in god, but that we would love him no mater what he believed. I also let him know that just because he chooses not to believe something doesn't mean that it is not true. I told him that he has a right to make his own choices and to choose his own beliefs.

As a laid awake thinking about my son. I thought about my own beliefs. I have always believed that there was something more than this life. I have always believed in something greater, someone greater in some greater plan. I don't remember ever questioning my faith. I just always had it. My older son Nate is the same way. He has always had faith and has always been in tune with his own sense of spirituality. He has never questioned he has always just believed. I guess I have always known that I would have a conversation with Ben about his faith at some point. I just didn't think it would be when he was five. What do you say to a five year old who says, that he thinks God is dead and that you are stupid for believing in things you can not see. I feel good about the things I said to him but I am haunted by the questions.